


at least there's no blood this time

by tostitos



Series: twenty minutes [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drabble, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Reincarnation, Terminal Illnesses, Wordcount: 100-500
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:27:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23626105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tostitos/pseuds/tostitos
Summary: all jaehyun has been doing is living and finding taeyong. living to find taeyong. finding taeyong just to lose him.  it's a sick circle of life and sometimes ー each time ー he thinks less and less that he can survive it.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong
Series: twenty minutes [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1683703
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	at least there's no blood this time

**Author's Note:**

> the problem with writing right before bed is that i usually just fall asleep instead of writing. pretty sure i actually wrote this with my eyes closed 60% of the time.
> 
> this was also supposed to be romantic and fluffy when the idea of reincarnation popped into my head but oh well. we do what we do

"do you believe in an afterlife?"

rain batters the window from the outside, a storm rolling in and cracking thunderous whips from afar. the droplets clank like nails against a wine glass and if jaehyun didn't hate the sound of it, he'd see if the patterning would lull him to sleep.

but instead he's forced to listen to the rainfall, eyes heavy with the weight of two days of sleep deprivation and knees pressed up against white sheets that smell like resignation, disgusted with the cliche of it all. because he doesn't want to think about how the scene he's seen a million times in melodramas is happening now, with not even a scripted joke to lighten the mood.

he shakes his head. it's hard to believe in an afterlife when you haven't fully lived; or when you've watched your best friend and the love of your life die in every timeline while thinking that if only there was an afterlife, maybe they could be happy forever.

"i used to think we are born again," jaehyun says, knowing fully well that is what happens ー says while remembering yoonoh, jeffrey, and all the other 'jaehyun's' who have come and gone and come back again. "that we'd get a second chance with better circumstances."

there's an unspoken 'but' and jaehyun knows johnny hears it, but he only hums from where he's sitting on the other side of the hospital bed, choosing not to comment on it. johnny is always there too, never remembering their encounters in past lives, but always unknowingly crushing jaehyun in the way his soulmate is always there. always healthy, always alive. jaehyun doesn't have to let johnny in his life time and time again, but as much as it hurts to see him get what jaehyun wants, it gives him hope that maybe one lifetime will be different.

"he'll be mad if you don't take care of yourself," johnny says, like he does every few days. 

jaehyun eyes over the white sheets, can't bring himself to look further up the bed at taeyong's sunken cheeks and rice paper skin. his shallow breaths have dried out his lips. "it's not like he can nag me when he's dead."

he already looks dead.

johnny lets the awful attempt at a joke slide, knowing jaehyun doesn't mean it, is lashing out because his fiance is dying and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

"you have to sleep, jae," johnny continues. "you have to keep living."

thunder cracks loud, growling low like a threatened beast and it resonates within jaehyun.

"he may not be here anyone, but you'll see him again." 

johnny has words that are easy to say, but all jaehyun has been doing is living and finding taeyong. living to find taeyong. finding taeyong just to lose him. it's a sick circle of life and sometimes ー each time ー he thinks less and less that he can survive it.

**Author's Note:**

> also im gonna run a [dy fic fest](http://twitter.com/doyochifest). i'm tiny and irrelevant please consider spreading the word 💩


End file.
